The Bad News

So we lost the baby. We went to the sonogram this morning (and waited for an hour!). The doctor was really nice and said she was going to be very honest about what she saw. She said the baby was gone and that most of the material has been released- so we probably won't have to have the D&C. She said that I will probably bleed for the next 10-14 days and release the rest of the material.

We are going to the doctor tomorrow morning and we will see what my doctor has to say about it all- they will also do blood work (I am turning into a pin cushion- I've been pricked so much in the past week).

So yeah that's that.

We have decided to name the baby Zoe (I always thought it would be a girl and since we won't know we are just gonna go with that). We are of course very sad that this didn't work out- we really wanted this baby. We will try again one day but I think we are going to focus on traveling and finding a place we would love to live first.

Thanks everyone for being there for us. We appreciate it.

Back to the ER

Yesterday I passed a really big clot and got really scared. We went to the ER and they did an exam and said my cervix is open. They also did some blood work- my hemoglobin levels are good, but my pregnancy hormone has gone down a bit. I talked to my doctor on the phone at the ER and she said try not to worry too much the baby could still be ok- that kind of shocked me. I really thought if your cervix was open it was bad news. In fact once we heard it was open we took that as we have miscarried and we waited for like 2 hours for the blood work results and we thought it was really for no reason since the baby was, if not gone, soon to be gone. So when we heard from my doctor it was bit like damn we still don't know?!? She said to just come in for our sonogram and then set up an appointment for Friday to meet with her. So we are leaving soon to go to the appointment but I don't have too much hope left. Last night I woke up feeling like I was cramping more all over and my back was having pains so I though I was miscarring at that moment but when I went to the bathroom there was only a little bit of blood and nothing else. And this morning too just some blood but not much which is kind of shocking. I figured after passing that clot I would be bleeding a lot more.

So yeah I am anxious going into this appointment because I don't want to see that either the baby is gone, or that it is there without a heartbeat. Part of me is even scared if the baby does have a heartbeat- like well then what does that mean??

So yeah we may know more today but I have a feeling if something is really wrong we won't know until Friday after the doctor appointment. I will try to make the appointment in the morning so we know a bit sooner.

So yeah not looking too good but we are still I guess unsure as to what is going on.

Continuing to Wait...

Still no news yet. Though last night my mom tried to call and said it wouldn't connect, so I tried calling out and couldn't either, so Nathan called AT&T and I guess there was some line cut or something in LA and Mississippi (or Alabama- I don't know) so others were having the same problem. It seems to be fixed but I hope we didn't miss the call yesterday. In the meantime we continue to wait. Nothing has changed- still bleeding and cramping a bit- though the cramping was a bit less yesterday. I am also still getting nauseous at night and my breasts are still sore- I look at those as good things but I guess I don't know. As soon as we know anything we will of course let you all know. Tomorrow we go for the sonogram so I figure we will at least know a bit more by then at the latest.

Keep sending those thoughts, prayers, or whatever.

A Little Update

So still no call about the blood work as of yet. They did call and set me up an appointment with the high risk doctor on March 12 though. It psyched me out. When my phone rang I knew it was them and then my heart went into my throat. I was amazed I could talk at all. But of course it wasn't about my blood work which was disappointing.

I had a bunch of dreams last night about them calling and telling me they still knew nothing or that it's a 50/50 chance. In one dream they told me that my hormone level went to 158.

Yesterday I started bleeding a bit more as well as cramping a bit more. Still not horrible but makes me a little more scared. I mean I am pretty positive I haven't miscarried yet but it's still pretty awful feeling to be in this position.

So in the meantime I am still just waiting. I hope they call today so we can have more information. I really hate not knowing what is going on.

Week 7: My Little Blueberry

So I went this morning and did the blood work. They said it will be a couple of days before I get the results. We still have our sonogram on Thurs, so hopefully that will also give us some info. But man you just gotta love the waiting game!!

Things are the same. Still spotting and cramping but nothing too bad. Keeping my fingers crossed.

So I wanted to keep doing this until we know for sure one way or another...so here is what they say about the baby this week:



The big news this week: Hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny, pudgy extremities you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller. Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry.

Spotting

So last Fri. I started spotting some and called my doctor who told me to go to the emergency room. We did and of course waited for so long. It was only a small amount of blood and minor cramping but I got really worried. After hours of being there and some tests and an ultrasound they couldn't say anything was really bad but also couldn't say everything would be ok. I have researched it online and I get some good examples and some not so good but of course they all say there is a 50/50 chance of a good/bad outcome. They have put me on bed rest but have said there is nothing I can really do we just have to wait and see.

I am still bleeding and cramping and there are little clots sometimes. I go back to the doctor Mon and I am supposed to get my hormone levels checked again to see if they get higher or lower. We of course are hoping for higher which will mean the baby is still going strong. I don't think I have miscarried yet and the blood flow isn't too bad. I am just so scared. I go off and on crying but sometimes I think we can make it and I have hope. But then sometimes I am so scared and find myself begging god or the universe or whatever to save my baby. I even beg Ethan, my dad, and anyone I know that has died to keep my little one alive.

So I hate to have to tell you guys over this blog but really it is easiest for me. I can't talk to people right now- it's too hard. But I did want you all to know.

My 1rst Doctors Appointment

So it went ok. My blood pressure was high 141/92 I think. They took it again before I left and it was 137/78 so better but the top number was still high.

They did blood work and a few tests and a bunch of questions. Both the nurse and the doctor remembered me from my previous visit and were excited for me.

So I have to do a 24 hour urine collection so they can have a base reading in case there are future blood pressure problems.

We set the sonogram appointment for next Thursday at 9:45am. I am excited about getting to see that little bean. After that appointment we will be going on our trip to Portland and Seattle. I spoke with the doctor about it and she said we could go and make the next appointment for when we get back.

She also told me to take my blood pressure at home with an arm cuff instead of the wrist cuff I have been using. But if my blood pressure continues to be high at the doctors office I will have to start seeing a high risk doctor for this pregnancy as well as seeing her.

So that is that. I guess we will just have to see how it all goes. Keep us in your thoughts/prayers (whatever you do). I want this baby to be healthy and I of course will do what I need to make that happen.